


Envy

by DragonoftheMidwest



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 16:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15799857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonoftheMidwest/pseuds/DragonoftheMidwest
Summary: An angsty little thing that was heavily encouraged by certain people in a certain Discord server. This is not a happy thing. At all.





	Envy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [conteur_reveur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/conteur_reveur/gifts), [JCHB322](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCHB322/gifts).



As long as he had known him, Anders had envied Garrett and his upbringing free of the Circle. He never had to wonder about when he would see the sky next, or look over his shoulder to see if there were Templars lurking in the shadows. He had never tasted freedom for the first time in years only to be dragged back behind stone walls. He’d never felt his magic ripped away from him as his captors tried to subdue him. 

He had voiced his jealousy, once. Garrett had shrugged, said something about how he had grown up hiding his entire life for his family’s safety. That he had considered turning himself into the Chantry to be taken to a Circle after his father died, so his family wouldn’t have to hide anymore. And then Bethany’s magic had manifested, and he stayed to protect his baby sister. Anders thought he had said something after that, but he had stopped listening after Garrett voiced that he had wanted to willingly go to a Circle when he himself had been dragged away screaming and crying from his family at the age of twelve. 

He had felt awful when he had gone with him to find Leandra and he’d been unable to help her. His heart wrenched at seeing his beloved so broken, kneeling in a puddle of blood clutching the stitched together body wearing his mother’s face while sobbing. 

The sudden tragedy had put a halt on their budding relationship. Weeks after passionate declarations of love and Anders moving into the Hawke estate, Garrett had fallen into a deep depression. During the day, he barely ventured out of the house unless absolutely necessary; and evenings saw him and the Hanged Man, drowning himself in ale. Anders grew more and more frustrated with every hangover he healed for Garrett only so he could sit in a chair before the fire and gaze into the flames all day with a blank stare. 

Eventually, it was Varric who had convinced Garrett to leave the city and get some fresh air. They left Anders behind, taking Merrill and Fenris along, which aggravated him even more.  Frustration at his inability to be the one to get through to Garrett for weeks piled on top his dislike of Garrett’s choice of travelling companions had led to an argument, and Anders had stormed out of the house in the dead of night, resolving to stay the night in the clinic and work on his manifesto while he cooled off. 

When Aveline had come to get him, telling him that Garrett had fought the Arishok and was dying from his wounds, he scrambled back to the estate as quickly as he could, exhausting himself after pulling him from the brink of death. When he woke, it was all hushed apologies and promises to never do that again. 

Years later, when he had destroyed the Chantry, Anders watched Garrett wrestle with the decision of what to do with him. His life would be spared, on the condition that Garrett never saw him again. While Garrett and the others stayed behind to clean up Anders’ mess, the fugitive mage fled Kirkwall and disappeared as quickly as he could. 

Finding Wynne and the Queen of Ferelden while they were searching for a cure for the taint had been a blessing. They hadn’t heard the news from Kirkwall yet, and they welcomed him with open arms. Wynne fretted at how thin he had gotten and Elissa thankfully kept quiet about how he had abandoned the Grey Wardens. He traveled with them for a time, staying at inns when they could, and camping when they couldn’t. He almost felt normal again, Justice quieting down after the Chantry and giving him space to breathe. Wynne told him that she had heard rumors of his clinic once while she had passed through Kirkwall, and she beamed at him with pride. Spirit healers were rare, and she had taken him under her wing as a young mage, even before his Harrowing. 

Elissa had ridden out to meet a courier to send news back home, leaving Wynne and Anders at an inn. His heart froze when the Templars stepped into the main dining room. They hadn’t spotted him yet, and he had begged Wynne to let him slip out the back unnoticed. She waved him off, trying to reassure him that he would be fine since they were dealing with Grey Warden business on the King and Queen’s orders. His stomach sank when the Templars turned from questioning the innkeep to their table and stalked over. 

They were there specifically for him. They gave him the option to come along peacefully, surrender to arrest and undergo the Rite. As they rattled off the charges and punishment, the horrified look on Wynne’s face was like a twisting dagger in his gut. She demanded proof of the crimes, refusing to believe that the boy she taught how to heal back in Kinloch would be capable of such atrocities. The Templars took the argument to mean she was aiding him, and a fight broke out. Wynne fell to a Silencing and a sword through the gut, just as Elissa returned to the inn, brandishing a letter from Alistair. 

The Templars wouldn’t let him heal Wynne, not matter how much he pleaded. As they dragged him away, he watched as Elissa knelt down beside Wynne’s body and shut her eyes with a prayer to Andraste and the Maker. 

Anders had always been jealous of Garrett Hawke’s life away from the Circle with a loving family, but as the door of the inn shut in his face, he thought he finally understood what Garrett had felt as he held his dying mother. 

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to JCHB322 for beta-ing my drunk angst!


End file.
